Wed 26 Sep 2007
I was picked last today… again.
Posted by admin under Personal
[5] Comments
I was picked last today… again*. Unfortunately it wasn’t a soccer game, but real life. I was let go from my current job. After one of my previous posts I realized what the adult version of childhood insecurity really feels like. More tangible concerns than wondering what folks think about me. How am I going to provide for my family? While I struggled for a few days to come to terms with losing my job I emerged somewhat renewed and excited about the new opportunities that lay ahead. I’m not sure what exactly happened. I should have been angry and upset. I certainly didn’t agree with some of the logic involved, but it did force me to take a good look at myself. When I did I realized that I could’ve done a few things differently, but that ultimately it was not my decision or my actions that left me unemployed. I could live with that. But still something more lingered insider.
In the following weeks, what I truly struggled with was beyond just a job, but a genuine sense of loss. A year ago I was the first employee at this small startup, taking a huge pay cut to have a chance to be a part of building something from the ground up. I put my life and family on hold, dropped out of my masters program and worked 12 and 16 hour days, every day for four months straight. I was wholeheartedly invested in this company because I felt like I was finally building something worthwhile, something that I could be proud of at the end of the day. The sense of loss was deeper than I expected, maybe almost as bad as losing a dear pet or something of that nature. I hadn’t realized my emotional attachment to this job until I noticed the absence of something. Back in March I went into the ER with stomach pains. Many tests, medications and months later and still no clear diagnosis and no relief. Then I lost my job and somewhere in the following weeks I just stopped noticing the pain because it was gone. To say I was stressed at this job is obviously an understatement. The pressures at a very small company are immense, every action or inaction impacts the very existence of the company. For several months I was able to channel that stress into the creative process of building a new product, but for various reasons the product was put on hold and the stress needed a new target.
So what is the grand lesson I’m supposed to have learned and now impart from this experience? I haven’t a clue. Was I foolish to invest so much into something I didn’t really own or have control over? Perhaps, but restraining that energy probably would not have yielded any better results and probably would’ve felt a little dishonest. Justin K. has declared September as the “No Woe-Is-Me” month and I think that honoring this idea has helped me gain some perspective (thanks Justin). Losing a job is a tough ordeal. I’d like to think that I’ve learned some things about myself and what is reasonable to emotionally invest into work, but man have I got this great idea for a startup…
* ok, not today, really a few weeks ago
The world exists to beat the dreams and creativity out of us. Our job is to keep the internal fire burning as long as possible.
Startups are a mixed bag, but I’d take a job in a new company over one in an established joint any day. I’d recommend the same to anyone who can hack it too, and I count you among that group.
Anyway, I’m sorry the company saw things the way they did — the wrong way, in my humble opinion — but I’m also glad that you’re back out in the work world and looking for something new.
When I quit the startup job that was causing me great pain — emotional and physical — I felt I had to retreat for a while. It took about six months for me to be really ready to do something new. I tried a few things in the meantime, including a dot-com startup with a friend and working for family, but eventually I pulled back out of those. I think I needed recovery time before I could invest myself in anything.
I suggest that, recognizing that you’re a little burnt out, you give yourself permission not to prove anything to anyone for a while. There’s a temptation to come up with or sign up with the Next Big Thing, to show the old company — and yourself and everyone you care about — that you are a valuable employee and they were fools to let you go. If something great comes along, certainly take the chance, but don’t force yourself into anything that’s going to give you stomach pain.
One area of you life might not be perfect, but let’s look at some other aspects.
1. You are my favorite son-in-law.
2. Jennifer pick you right away.
3. You are Juliana’s most important male figure and will be for a very long time.
4. You were the first person (out of everyone in the whole world) that Juliana smiled at. (remember, I got that picture)
5. You are truely a nice person and I enjoy your company.
6. You have been given an opportunity that you would never have taken on your own.
7. And I thought this was important enough to interupt payroll to send this to you.
Take it easy on yourself. I love you and LOTS of other people do too.
I feel your pain dude. On the other hand, the only way I would invest that kind of time was if the business was mine. I have seen my earnings dwindle in the past 5-6 years while my workload has increased and job satisfaction has decreased. So, I quit. 9 years at the same job is hard to walk away from, but I did. I’m almost through my first week at the new job and I’m just about up to speed. Hopefully all will work out and I won’t have to go back ‘there’.
Hey,
So things didn’t work out this time.
Just remember what I always say, “When things look as bleak as they can be, just wait, things always get better.”
Ok, I don’t say it quite like that, but I had to clean up the language for your site.
There is always something better out there.
Remember, you were looking for a job when you found this one.
Everything happens for a reason.
We have to take this season one game at a time, and play a sixty minute game.
Gawd, I hate cliches.
On a different note, take a look at what is truly important to you. It can be family, home, hobbies or whatever. When you get another job (and you will), don’t put those things on a shelf just so somebody else can benefit from your enthusiasm.
And if I may paraphrase Carl, I wouldn’t put that kind of time/effort in on any business that wasn’t my own.
In that vein, I know of a bar/restaurant/motel for sale in the west suburbs.
Besides, you weren’t picked last, they needed to cut costs, they chose to let you go FIRST. (sorry, but it is worth a smile).
Don’t beat yourself up, there are enough other people out there to do that.
Until next time…